Unimaginable

It was barely two weeks ago when I posted about being thankful. I'll admit that the baseball premise was a bit stretched, but I hope that my overarching message was conveyed adequately enough for everyone. Baseball, while being the subject for this blog, represents one facet of my life that I do love and cherish. However, the people in my life that I love are more important than anything in the world to me. The events of the past week have really invoked those feelings I described. It's been tough going, but I think writing in this blog, which really is a a chronicle of what is good in my life, will help to process what's going in my mind and my feelings.

As many of you know, I have been living in Highland for the past two years. I work in San Bernardino, however. Last Wednesday, there was a terrorist attack here. Two people, a husband and wife, burst into a holiday party at the Inland Regional Center and killed 14 people while wounding 21. The male shooter and 13 of the 14 victims were San Bernardino County employees.

A few months ago, I took a job at the County. I was in the Government Center when the shooting started, about a mile away from the Inland Regional Center. We were just going about our day until my girlfriend sent me a text message asking if I was ok. I was oblivious to what was going on until our phones starting ringing off the hook from family members inquiring about our safety. Simultaneously, our internet went out. I went on to Twitter from my phone and got some information from the various news outlets I follow. As I was doing that, the order came to lockdown the building and to shelter in place. We didn't know if the shooters had been apprehended, and our fear and anxiety increased. During this time, I contacted my parents, my brother, and my girlfriend to let them know that I was ok. All of them were terribly concerned for me, my mother on the verge of tears. I decided to go down to the lobby of the building to get a snack from the cafeteria, and as I got off the elevator, a police officer with a massive rifle ordered me to evacuate the building. I ran to my car and drove home as fast as I could. All this occurred within the span of 10 to 15 minutes.

Later on in the day, the police tracked down the shooters to a street a few miles from my apartment in Highland. The police ordered all of us in the area to shelter in place with our shades drawn. I watched on live television as the police advanced upon the shooter's bullet-ridden SUV on the street and extracted their dead bodies.

As the days have progressed, we found out that the shooters had been inspired by the foreign terrorist group ISIS and had aspired to cause more damage and killing. Their apartment in Redlands was found to have nearly two dozen pipe bombs and enough ammunition to equip a small army. A pipe bomb was even left at the scene of the crime in an attempt to inflict more damage after rescue and emergency personnel had arrived. In all, it became the deadliest foreign inspired terrorist event on US soil since 9/11.

The aftermath has included lots of fear and anxiety. Our offices were shut down Thursday and Friday as it turned out the majority of the victims were County employees. The following day, a massive candlelight vigil was held at San Manuel Stadium for the victims. When the County offices reopened on Monday, and when we all returned to work, massive grief was felt by so many and crisis counselors were, and are still, available to all of us. The public employees union held their own candlelight vigil after work on Monday. I decided not to go to the vigil at the ballpark because the ballpark is a happy place for me, and I knew that if I were to go, it would forever be associated with sadness. I did stay for a little bit at the vigil at work until I said to myself "I need to go home and surround myself with people and things that I love."

So, how am I doing? To put it bluntly, It's been tough, but I've been getting better. I got out of town the weekend of the tragedy as my girlfriend was gracious enough to open her house to me. I also went back to Oregon for a few days this past weekend to spend time with my family and dog. That has helped I guess divert my attention from this. However, it's hard not to be glued to the never-ending news cycle and the rumors that persist. The shooter worked in the building where I work, and considering his arsenal of ammunition and pipe bombs, it isn't an illogical conclusion to make that my place of work was a target. And, the reality is, a lot of my co-workers were killed in this attack. I didn't know them personally, but they are part of the work family, and their loss is everybody's loss.

Why am I writing this on a blog about Baseball Road Trips? In the days after the shooting, I guess I gained comfort from looking at these posts and planning for the future. Baseball is fun and I can't imagine being in an emotional state that I'm in now if I'm at a game. Whether or not the team is winning or losing, going to games is fun. Riding bikes around cities is fun. Traveling on the trains is fun. Going to the beach is fun. In this time, I need to focus on the fun in my life. It helps alleviate what I'm presently going through. Just the thought of Baseball Road Trips brings me back to happy times and warm days.

In the midst of the sadness, I've actually been proud of the way my hometown team, the Inland Empire 66ers, have stepped up to be leaders in the recovery effort. They hosted the candlelight vigil, are selling t-shirts with the "SB Strong" logo on it with all proceeds benefiting the relief funds, and giving a free lunch to all first responders in San Bernardino County. Sports have a way to bring us all together in times of tragedy, and it's encouraging to see them step up and help out a reeling community.

This weekend, I'll be going to my final baseball game of the year. I'll be making my annual trip south of the border to Mexicali. I'll write up an itinerary later on this week before I go.

Always take on a 3-0 pitch ;)